based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
