im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
