the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
