I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
