Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
