in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
