if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just googled if crying burns calories
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
