He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
