tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
