You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
