I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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