guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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