Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you would pick up someone in the library
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
