Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
