yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
