I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
