i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
