She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
