Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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