after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
