Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
