we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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