Can Purell be used as lube?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
