So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
