dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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