I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
