i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
