What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
