There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
