If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
