theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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