He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
