hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
