"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
