I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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