my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
