im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
