i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
