Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
