im about as happy as oj after his trial
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
