Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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