Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
