they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
