I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
