I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
