I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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