A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
