I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
