Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
