I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
