Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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