Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
