the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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