She's JV to your varsity
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
