Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
